Tip #3: Reach the Truth Deep Down

Deep down, every woman knows she is terminating a human life and that it is her child. Abby Johnson, former Planned Parenthood director, says the most common statement she heard when a woman, groggy on medications, was on her way to have an abortion was, “Will my baby feel pain?” We have answers to that, real ones, and not the lies Planned Parenthood will tell. Although by the twentieth week, medical consensus is that pain can be felt, information about when the unborn baby feels pain earlier is speculative, but logical. Pain receptors are present in the fifth week of gestation. At six weeks, the cerebral cortex (recognized as the center of pain consciousness) is developed. Most compellingly, even babies in the first trimester try to escape the D&C blade by moving away from it as much as they can.


Fetal Pain Brochure: Suitable for Printing 

 

Tip #2: Become a Problem Solver

Immediately start looking for resources to solve her pressing problems, whether they be financial, health care, family and social support, housing, or other issues. If you can help solve these pressing problems, you may eliminate the perceived need for abortion. 40% of women state financial reasons are a primary reason for the choice to have abortion. Focus on this.

Ask questions like, "If you could manage and afford it, would you want to keep the baby?" Our 1st Way director Terry Ianora has shown us a technique that often helps. Without judging or implying that you know what is the right thing to do, get a sheet of paper and draw a line to divide it in half. Ask what the problems and obstacles are, and list them on the left side. On the right, list any reason she gives for wanting to keep her baby, including resources she already has.

Target the list on the left side by providing lists of community resource phone numbers or call them for her.  If she lists a need that church volunteers might fill, check with your church right away. There are a lot of people who want to volunteer as soon as they find out a need they could fill, from babysitting to providing transportation, so consider this. Reassure your friend that where there is a will, there is a way. BE her will in a sense, finding that way, if she cannot do it because of her panic in crisis.

Tip #1: Strongly Defend without Accusing

1. For most people, the initial tendency will be to make sure that the friend doesn't feel judged. This motive is wholly understandable because we don't want our friends to feel threatened by our opinions. One of the strongest cultural messages people receive in the world today is that we should not judge anyone for any reason. This is where the saying, “I could never have an abortion, but I think every woman should be able to make up her own mind,” comes from. This “mealy-mouthed” refusal to be solidly pro-life or pro-choice is the position I used to take, and it leads to a dangerous complicity with pro-abortion, because you pretend to take casually what you know is "dead serious." 
   
   
   Here's what to do instead: Say something like, “I would be uncomfortable having an abortion because ____________.” Fill in the blank with something genuinely truthful of your position, as long as it doesn't sound accusatory. For example, NOT, “I would be uncomfortable having an abortion because “I might go to hell,” “I would be committing murder,” or that sort of thing. No, you don't want to sugar-coat the truth in the long run, but your friend is freaking out, so give her a little bit of honey with her medicine for now. 
   
   
   Here's a positive example, “I would be uncomfortable having an abortion because I believe in a soul, and there's no way to tell when the soul enters the body, so how could I take the risk of murder?” is a good statement. Or, “I would be uncomfortable having an abortion because human life is sacred to me. It's not like ending a sheep or a dog life, but a human life. Even if you don't see it as a person, it's still human.” 
   
   
   If your friend is an atheist, words like “soul” and “sacred” will sound like airy-fairy mumbo-jumbo to her. But, you can appeal to her logic. You might be surprised I am linking to a page called, "godlessprolifers.com" but we are trying to save lives here! "Don't kill" (natural law) may be an important first step before whether or not to believe in God (moral law.) Take a look at the articles and docs that support their position. Send the url to your athiest or agnostic friend, and see if that helps.
   http://www.godlessprolifers.org/library.html
   
   
   Take note also that many sects of Buddhism oppose abortion, including the popular Tibetan Buddhist. Many of your friends may claim to be Buddhist without realizing this.
   
   
   So many of us, both female and boyfriends, regret for a lifetime that we missed the opportunity to save a life because we were afraid to speak up. Take heart and take courage to do the right thing!
   
   
   
   
   

How to Help a Friend in a Crisis Pregnancy

What helps a woman see the realities of abortion when she is panicking over an unplanned pregnancy? No cute internet “meme” is going to do it. No list of facts, counter-facts, essays or stories on-line will make a difference. What it most often takes to help turn a woman's heart towards pro-life for her child is a true and trusted friend. Nothing more and nothing less. At First Way Crisis Pregnancy Centers, our goal and slogan is that we're here to be a friend, not a proselytizer or judge. We believe this approach is the most humane, kind and effective approach when a woman is struggling with making the serious choice of handling unplanned pregnancy. Our greatest obstacle is that we begin as strangers and then supportive acquaintances. If you are a friend, male or female, to a woman in this crisis situation, you are the #1 best source to guide a woman to embrace the difficult but only ethical choice of life.

Over the next few days, we will be posting tips of how to be the best possible friend to a woman who finds herself in crisis pregnancy. Stay tuned!