Abortion Hurts Society (even if you don't believe it hurts a woman and a child.)

At today's First Way staff meeting, I gave a brief presentation about the psychological effects abortion can have on men. After all, it's their child, too. And, they are powerless to do anything. Beyond that, communication between the man and woman breaks down, because any opinion the man might have about saving his child may be seen as an affront to her "rights" as a woman.

The primary biological drive in a woman is to nurture children. The primary biological drive in a man is to protect his wife and children. When a woman chooses abortion without the agreement of the baby's father, not only is she going against her biological nature, but she forces a man to go against his biological nature as well. How can any of this be good for the human psyche?

Not all men who have lost a child to abortion will experience recognizable trauma any more than the child's mother did. The key word is "recognizable." Many men and women experience PTSD-like symptoms and cannot trace the symptoms to any traumatic event. People are experiencing this more and more now that abortion is increasingly seen not only as socially acceptable, but as a desirable alternative for a woman who finds herself pregnant. So, many men and women have no idea why they are suffering.

What happens to the relationship when a man and woman disagree about whether to abort? Once communication breaks down, the relationship is rarely salvaged. While this is an expected outcome when the couple disagree, statistically the majority of relationships do not survive post-abortion, even when the couple mutually agree to abort.

Abortion is not natural or healthy for women, men, relationships or families. Abortion may be considered good for careers, for independence and for gathering material financial success for men and women. Meanwhile, 60% of marriages are ending in divorce and 33% of women are having an abortion in at least one point in their lifetime. Since abortion has been legal, primary biological drives of men to protect and women to nurture are repressed. As men and women go against their natures, the concept of "family" has been less and less important, so no wonder we are seeing so few intact families. Abortion is both a causal factor and a symptom of the problem. How could abortion not be damaging psychologically to men, women and children?

Abortion is not a decision made by a woman that only affects herself and her body. Abortion affects the father of the child and society at large. Even for people who don't view human life as sacred or even worthy of respect, the wider ramifications of abortion should be of concern.

Trauma CAN'T BE because of abortion, can it?

Last week, I went to a "Silent No More" program at church last week and speakers told their stories of how regret for their abortions has caused significant trauma in their lives. Father Eric Andersen spoke about "forbidden grief." Many women and men are not aware that they have a right to mourn their lost child, because of the anger they feel at themselves for having been the one to take that life. To heal, giving yourself permission to grieve is a critical step in the process of forgiving yourself.

However, "forgiving yourself" is far from the mind of many women who obtain abortions.

When I first heard the words, "forbidden grief," I thought about a different meaning. I thought of how women today are told that in abortion, there is nothing to grieve. After all, if the fetus is not considered a baby, a person, or even human, to remove its existence from the world should be less traumatic than having a kitten run over by a car. If any woman DID express grief, trauma or guilt, most people wouldn't understand.

I've known women who went to licensed counselors to talk about grief and trauma over abortion and the therapist has been quick to credit the reason for the trauma to something else. So, when a woman is in pain and goes for help, she often receives no validation at all for her experience. She thinks it's crazy to even consider how her emotional problems might be related to a past abortion.

When I posted before that a great many women do not regret their abortions, I meant what I wrote. However, therapists may dig for issues like past abuse when, very often, the trauma of an abortion may be causing turmoil and self-destructive behavior.

Isn't it odd to live in a society where few think its even possible that choosing to end a human life might have traumatic consequences? Isn't it disturbing?
 
Forbidden Grief is the title of a book by Theresa Burke, PhD, who is also the founder of Rachel's Vineyard retreats to help those experiencing trauma from abortion.

Dr. Burke also writes about how repressed feelings may be acted out through self-destructive behavior, broken relationships, obsessions, eating disorders, parenting difficulties, and other emotional or behavioral problems.

Recently, it has occurred to me that many women may wonder why they are having problems with eating disorders, suicidal ideation, nightmares, etc. and the last thing they may think to consider the cause may be a past abortion. People will actually get more support in our society today for believing that their trauma was caused by an alien abduction than for their belief that the trauma may have been related to an abortion.

Not only is the grief forbidden, but the guilt is forbidden, the trauma is forbidden. It's almost as if being a natural woman, with protective maternal feelings, is forbidden.

It may be forbidden everywhere else, but give yourself the gift of pastoral counseling or a Rachel's Vineyard retreat if you wonder if having abortion might have something to do with problems you've been having that don't seem to have any other cause.

Your authentic feelings matter there and you have permission to grieve. Hope for healing is available.