Would you like to help with fundraising?

Let's have fun and raise money for 1st Way!

1st Way will be celebrating 40 years of service to the communities of Eugene and Springfield. 1st Way is a pregnancy center dedicated to protecting and saving the lives of pre-born babies and supporting their moms in crisis.

When a woman comes to 1st Way distressed by an unplanned pregnancy, 1st Way volunteers offer reassuring support and friendship to help her make the most important decision of her life.  After the birth of her child, we provide free help with needs such as diapers, clothing, and equipment.  Most of all, we offer hope so that pregnant woman can choose life for their babies.

After 40 years of serving, we need help to find fresh ideas for raising funds and help to organize these efforts.  Are you experienced in fundraising? Let us know.  Do you like to organize and help with events?  Come talk to us. Do you just like to help out? No experience necessary. With your help we can go on into the future!

Leave a comment here or email firstwayeugene@gmail.com

Trauma CAN'T BE because of abortion, can it?

Last week, I went to a "Silent No More" program at church last week and speakers told their stories of how regret for their abortions has caused significant trauma in their lives. Father Eric Andersen spoke about "forbidden grief." Many women and men are not aware that they have a right to mourn their lost child, because of the anger they feel at themselves for having been the one to take that life. To heal, giving yourself permission to grieve is a critical step in the process of forgiving yourself.

However, "forgiving yourself" is far from the mind of many women who obtain abortions.

When I first heard the words, "forbidden grief," I thought about a different meaning. I thought of how women today are told that in abortion, there is nothing to grieve. After all, if the fetus is not considered a baby, a person, or even human, to remove its existence from the world should be less traumatic than having a kitten run over by a car. If any woman DID express grief, trauma or guilt, most people wouldn't understand.

I've known women who went to licensed counselors to talk about grief and trauma over abortion and the therapist has been quick to credit the reason for the trauma to something else. So, when a woman is in pain and goes for help, she often receives no validation at all for her experience. She thinks it's crazy to even consider how her emotional problems might be related to a past abortion.

When I posted before that a great many women do not regret their abortions, I meant what I wrote. However, therapists may dig for issues like past abuse when, very often, the trauma of an abortion may be causing turmoil and self-destructive behavior.

Isn't it odd to live in a society where few think its even possible that choosing to end a human life might have traumatic consequences? Isn't it disturbing?
 
Forbidden Grief is the title of a book by Theresa Burke, PhD, who is also the founder of Rachel's Vineyard retreats to help those experiencing trauma from abortion.

Dr. Burke also writes about how repressed feelings may be acted out through self-destructive behavior, broken relationships, obsessions, eating disorders, parenting difficulties, and other emotional or behavioral problems.

Recently, it has occurred to me that many women may wonder why they are having problems with eating disorders, suicidal ideation, nightmares, etc. and the last thing they may think to consider the cause may be a past abortion. People will actually get more support in our society today for believing that their trauma was caused by an alien abduction than for their belief that the trauma may have been related to an abortion.

Not only is the grief forbidden, but the guilt is forbidden, the trauma is forbidden. It's almost as if being a natural woman, with protective maternal feelings, is forbidden.

It may be forbidden everywhere else, but give yourself the gift of pastoral counseling or a Rachel's Vineyard retreat if you wonder if having abortion might have something to do with problems you've been having that don't seem to have any other cause.

Your authentic feelings matter there and you have permission to grieve. Hope for healing is available.

Some Claim Abortion Is Not a Choice

Earlier this week, I was reading an article about women's abortion stories on Yahoo News. The gist of the article was that those women were in dire straits. They basically had no choice but to have the abortion, due to financial problems and relationship turmoil. I wondered how this article was pro-choice, since after all, the claim was that they had no choice and should not be “judged.” I'd agree that these women were in tough situations where abortion seemed like the only way out.

In a society that stresses the importance of comfort and convenience for all, choosing to have an unwanted baby seems absurd. After all, pregnancy is nine months of discomfort, followed by hours and hours of labor and (unless the child is given up for adoption,) months of sleepless nights after the birth. Yet, often the right choice is the more difficult choice. Great dedication is required to do the right thing. Our social climate is accepting of the choice of abortion and often encourages it, which makes it even easier to choose to abort. Abortion is a few hundred dollars, over in an hour or two....much easier than a lifetime commitment or even a nine month commitment before adoption. And, to top it all off, most people don't even see any value in going through all that when abortion is available.

When we're encouraging a woman to keep her baby, this is important to keep in mind. Often, we're that soft voice somewhere deep in her mind that she just doesn't want to listen to. If we weren't here to say it, the message of life might never be heard. Working in a crisis pregnancy center is often the only way a woman can gain hope and support in making a true choice, in a situation in which family and friends are pushing abortion as the only way. Choosing life is an option and life for an infant is a life worth saving. With support and help, there is always a way to make things work out. If we're not here to say this, who will? If we're not there to help it all work out, what will she do?

Abortion Is No Trauma for Many

The traumatic impact of abortion- Is there always one? I am sad to say that there is often not. Although this may seem shocking to some, the traumatic impact of abortion is lessening more and more. It's important that we realize this and face this reality. When we tell these young women they may experience trauma later, they really think we're being bizarre.

I'm in my forties. As a teenager and young woman in my twenties, almost all my friends had an abortion at one time or another. I had two good friends who had multiple abortions. One had five and another had six. Neither were even as old as twenty-five years old. The only problem they had with having it done was the cost. The cost was truly all that troubled them. In their minds, having an abortion was like having an appendix removed. Anyone that told them the pre-born baby was a human being had to be deranged, since in their mind, it was something attached to their body that wasn't even developed into a baby.

These girls have also been warned, often by parents and teachers, that conservative “crazies” are going to try to talk them out of having an abortion and that they should stand proudly for their freedom to choose. How do we get through? Jesus said that for some, entering Heaven is as hard as a camel going through the eye of a needle. He said none of us can reach Heaven without His help. The same is true in our mission to help save the lives of the unborn. Without constant prayer, most of us would despair.

As I've said before, a woman's intuitive and natural urge to defend and protect her child is still there. It's just buried under a web of protective lies. The lies prevent the pain of guilt from coming through. I never even met women who were traumatized through realizing they had taken the life of their child until later in life when I heard the experiences of many with intense remorse, PTSD and grief..

For those who realized the gravity of what abortion is, people had taken time to show them basic pictures from biology books or from their own ultrasound of babies as young as seven weeks, or somewhere in their past, they had been exposed to the value of protecting human life as a moral imperative. When a woman actually realizes she has taken the life of her own child, grief can be profound and trauma long-lasting. Realizing she's been lied to that her baby was only a "blob of tissue" will enrage her. One day, if she realizes the truth, yes, she can experience trauma, so we are correct to tell her that it's possible.

We don't need to judge these women. Confronted with the facts and with love, they will accuse themselves. Our job is to provide love and a window to reveal God's mercy and grace. Without trust in this love, who could possibly handle the truth of what they've really done through abortion? Denial is their protection from pain and it is reinforced wherever they go, more and more through our society. Soon, as in the state of Oregon, women in all the USA may not even need to be troubled by the cost. What will happen then?

Twenty years have passed. My old friends still have no regret for their abortions. Girls today, twenty years later, have even fewer qualms about abortion. Let's not be naïve about the women who come to us. They may never feel post-abortion trauma. If they do, we are always here. If they do not, our only recourse is to pray and to respectfully educate her about the human life within her body.

Related Articles:

How women are lied to:

http://www.lifenews.com/2012/05/29/shh-dont-tell-women-considering-abortion-theres-a-baby/

Psychologist and social worker who treat those traumatized by abortion receive awards:

http://www.lifenews.com/2012/08/07/psychologist-social-worker-receive-usccb-pro-life-awards/

PSA Campaign: Women Proud of Abortions

http://www.lifenews.com/2012/09/27/new-ad-campaign-women-proud-to-reveal-they-had-abortions/

1st Way and St. Mary Pro-Life Ministry Announcements

Hello and Good Morning, All!

This morning, I'd like to make a couple of important announcements.

(1) 1st Way is looking for volunteers. Volunteers do all sorts of jobs, from counseling women in crisis to putting layettes together (cute baby clothes!) Usual time commitment is only about three hours a week. The rewards are immeasurable. Be a part of a group of women who deeply care about women, babies and families. All of us have no idea what to say or do at first. So, don't worry! Training is provided. You'll learn SO much you never knew before and gain confidence in helping. Contact 541-687-8651 to schedule an interview with the director.

(2) Mark your calendars for a very special event next Thursday, October 25, 7:30 pm at St. Mary Catholic Church in Eugene, Oregon!

St. Mary’s Gospel of Life/Pro-Life Ministry is presenting a program called, "Silent No More." The special guest speaker will be Fr. Eric Andersen. Also, there will be testimonies from men and women who have been impacted by abortion. There will be a reception in the Parish Center after the meeting and the Hanson Family Singers will perform. All are welcome.

Pregnant and Scared: How to Help Her Know You Love Her

Good morning! Yesterday, first way staffers were treated to a special training by a social worker. Since there are no "magic words" to help a woman in a crisis pregnancy, we learned more than techniques and more about ways to hold a perspective that helps a panicked woman feel heard and supported. We were taught to look for her strengths. For example, does she hold any other moral convictions you can affirm? ("You have a strong sense that adoption may not be the best choice for your unborn child.") How can we respond to her immediate experience without interpretation? (Example: Instead of, "You sound worried," say something like, "Wow, that's scary.") Holding the perspective that the life of the mother and the unborn child are precious will go further than any counseling technique we could ever learn. She needs to be heard and to know we're on her side and not judging her. I'm sharing this with you, our supporters, so that when you come in contact with a young lady who needs your help, you will know more about how to be a lifesaving friend.

New Video- Crisis Pregnancy: Your Choice

Good morning, all! This has been a busy week and this is my first chance to post. This week, I've made a video, however, about crisis pregnancy and the choice women face. Hoping to reach girls by relating to how they feel and then introducing simple facts to spark ethical thinking. It's about two and a half minutes. I hope you have a chance to take a look. Comments are welcomed, whether here or at YouTube. It's bound to start controversy now that's out there, so it's good to have defenders. I'll be gone all weekend to a silent retreat for secular carmelites, in Beaverton. Looking forward to blogging again upon my return!